Update - Specialist

Gooood Morning Everyone!! I started writing this earlier this week and then havent been able to finish until today unfortunetly.

I managed to get an appointment with a specialist yesterday... an Endocrinologist who specializes in Diabetes. He is one of the best doctors I have ever met in my life. So knowledgable, said it how it was without holding back, layed it all out on the table and helped me tremendously. He asked me my weight and I told him, but instead of being shocked like everyone else he looked at me and said "Brooke, this is not your fault".... That was nice to hear because as many of you have heard me say this is ALL my fault. Only I have the ability to change my ways and the ability to change my life. I have no one to blame but myself. To take on all that blame is a large toll for one young woman to handle. Having a specialist (one of the best in Canada) turn to me and say, "Brooke... you are WAY too hard on yourself, this is not your fault." It was like a weight was lifted off my back. I know and still believe that only I can change me, but he went through factors that are occuring to me or have occured in the past that are way out of my control, no way for me to change them and I have to be able to accept that and move forward or I wont be able to move forward and make the changes I need to change in the present time. He said that I am focusing far too much on what I am eating and not enough on exercise, which I am aware of. He said I need to chill out and just take it day by day and just get moving. It was amazing to have someone I just met, whom is an expert, have complete and utter faith in me and my ability to become a healthier and happeri me. It felt GREAT! The doc did a nerve damage test on my legs because there was fear of some nerve damage being done, he said that everything looked great! My eyes looked perfectly healthy and EVERYTHING on my tests looked perfect (or better than perfect) other than my sugars, which was SO good to hear :) I am healthy other than this damn diabetes, but that is so nice to hear and gives me hope that it is not too late to fight this and change things in my life :D And even reverse the effects of this disease. Apparently within three months, if I continue what I am doing and up my movement/exercise I will be able to lower my insulin, have a healthy and happy pregnancy, and be on minimal medications :) :) :) :) HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!?! Now.. he did mentioned that I need to stop weighing myself so often. That we as humans are far too fixated on the number and I have heard this many many times before from many professionals, but at the same time I feel that weighing myself keeps me accountable and on track. I am not sure what I am going to do with me... But the last time I weighed myself was Monday morning because I wanted to be able to give the doc an updated weight and also that was the day I started to cut out the CRAP.


For now my meds have been upped and I have been put on a pill with the insulin needles, but this should help me with my struggles so I wont complain :) I was on it when I was first diagnosed, the only crappy part is the side effects that I get within the first week or two.


As for my eating this week though... I have done very well. Limiting the processed crap and eating more fruits and veggies. Making sure I am eating a larger well balanced breakfast and I have not been snacking like at all :) :) :) This is a big thing for me at night time. I want to sit there and eat while watching tv, but I don't! :) I have been drinking more water, milk and limiting my diet pepsi. See I havent gone COMPLETELY non-processed, but I am so doing well and I can say that I am very happy with what I have been doing this week so far, I KNOW! Its only Friday, but I am feeling great about this! :) I am no long taking part in ANY extra curricular activities either, that def includes alcohol... I don't need it and it really isn't good for you obviously. My goal is to go alcohol free until christmas/new years, this wont be too hard for me. Also I smoke little cigars when I am drinking (and sometimes when I am not) This has been cut out completely too, no need for it :) Why smoke them? I quit smoking cigarettes almost exactly 2 years ago this month and I am so very proud of myself for that. Feels good to say that I have no other addiction but food and even that addiction I am slowly beating! :D

Anyways thats my little update. I believe I am going to be weighing in on Monday, see how I am doing, we will see... OH! and my dad is letting me borrow his little treadmill to put in my living room and see how I like it, I can walk/jog while watching my shows at night :) I figure I am going to be watching them either way so why not watch them while walking or jogging or even sitting on my yoga ball :) bit by bit I am making positive changes to my life and although it took me a little longer than most to get the ball moving I am happy and proud of myself :)

Have a great weekend everyone and I will check back in next week :)

LONG LOOOONNNNNG UPDATE :)

I know it has been a while since I have written a blog, but I am not writing this to send out an appology or to make excuses because it was my choice to not write and if I should apologize to anyone it should be myself.

Overall health wise, to be honest, things have been good! They could be better of course, but they are good. Two weigh ins ago I gained the 3 lbs that I lost prior, but since then I have managed to maintain over the last couple of weeks, which is shocking really.... Yes I may have not gotten too far into my weight loss/towards my goals, but that is no ones fault but mine. I am making improvements and I just need to get more serious, which I plan on... I HAVE A PLAN! lol I'll get to that later, want to update on everything that has been going on in my life.

On the Saturday of the Thanksgiving Long Weekend I lost a friend. Her name was Alina Carere and she was 23 years old. We grew up in the same town and played baseball together for years. She is a beautiful, smart, kind, caring, loving person. She never judged anyone and was so very proud of who she was. She loved all her friends and family and treated everyone with nothing but respect. I can honestly say she was an outstanding human being. On Thursday October 8th she was driving in her car when a van being driven by a 17 year old male ran a stop sign and hit the side of her car. She then hit two trees. Alina was airlifted to the London hospital. There she was put on life support and after breathing on her own and making some progress (apparently just enough to get her organs in good enough shape to be a donor which was something that Alina wanted very much so). She then passed on Saturday October 10, 2009. It really all hit me when I went to the visitation on the Tuesday night... seeing pictures of her in her uniform or at parties and just enjoying life was hard enough, but then seeing her family. Her older brother Adam who I was friends with as well and her other siblings and parents were strong, but you could def see the pain. Seeing Matt, her boyfriend, and his heart ache was almost too much to handle. I had my mom there with me as she too knew Alina through years of baseball and having her over to our house. She was a great support for me there. The funeral was on Wednesday and it was beautiful. It was held at the Catholic Church in town, where Alina and her family attended, she was a very proud catholic. My friend John and I went to the funeral and he was a great support for me at the cemetary and although it was so hard to deal with losing her I did feel better after that... like not only I, but everyone else could let go because she was okay and she was happy. She will always live on in all our hearts!

Thanksgiving weekend, other than the bad news mentioned above, was very nice. We all went up to the cottage... My mom and dad, hubby (josh), brother (calvin), sister in law (andrea), niece (cadence), grandma, grandpa, aunt pat, uncle merv and of course the three dogs! :) It was a full house, but we all had a great time! The weather was nice, cold, but nice! :) The dock got taken out for the winter, some fishing was done of course, many games of crib between my mom and myself, cottage prepped for winter, went to the church service at the Tobermory church, had a HUGE turkey dinner, which was DELICIOUS! :) It was a great weekend spent with family!

Hmmm what else has been going on. OH! I got a virus on my computer and it was a bad one too! Damn bugger completely messed up the whole comp and I had to restore back to factory and therefore had to re-install everything and all my work crap, it was NOT FUN!

Andrea is going to pop any day now and Bucky, which is the nickname that we have for my nephew and she HATES it lol which makes it all that much more enjoyable ;) hehe I know, Im bad! :) Her official due date is November 18th I believe, but it doesnt look like she is going to last that long! We have been over to their house trying to help them prepare and finish renos for when he decides to come out! I CANT WAIT! :)

Cadence is getting SO big... here is the most recent picture I took of her on Monday (Grandma and Grandpa were watching her for the weekend while we worked on renos at Cal's house)...

I heard that Grandma (Josh's Mom's Mom) wasnt doing so well and that she is in the hospital. Him and I havent gotten many updates and what we are getting is mainly from Facebook unfortunetly, but last we heard she is doing better.

Halloween is next weekend and I am so excited about it! I think I pretty much got my whole costume together and it is gonna look super sexy and awesome! I am not going to go into details cause some ppl that read this blog are going to be there and I want it to be a surprise or at least for some ppl a surprise... Anywho, I had a weight loss goal by Halloween and I didnt reach it and to be honest there is no humanly possible way to reach it by then, BUT I am okay with that

NEW PLAN!!! Starting November I am going to be eating less processed and more raw. This means no fried foods, no refined sugars, no alcohol. no nothing! I am not going to be drinking, smoking the cigars while drinking, NOTHING... I am cleaning out this body of crap because I know when I have done this in the past I felt much better! I am not going 100% raw becasue I do not believe that that is a managable thing to do, but I am eating all whole grains, lean meats, and tons of fruits and veggies. Limiting frozen foods/meals and eating out for sure! I have a feeling that someone may thing why start in November and not now!? Well first, cause I want to.... that should be a good enough answer, but I know for some that isn't. I am starting this in November because over the next 10 days I am only going to be home for 4 of them. With all the traveling and visiting and then of course the big party on Halloween where I would like to enjoy a few beverages I think it woul dbe difficult to follow my new rules. I am still eating smart and being sensible and doing all the things I am already doing, but gotta do something else casue THIS is not working, at least not the way I want it to :) I am though happy to report that I HAVE been able to reduce my insulin intake slightly.... So for those of you that think that your successes are only shown on the scale CHECK THIS OUT! lol because this is my BIGGEST accomplishment in a long time and one of the most important things for me to look at. I must be doing SOMETHING right ;) hehe

Congrats to those of you who have been losing weight, keep working hard and keeping it off. To those of you that have been struggling like me, I know... I know exactly what you are going through and where you are coming from! It is not easy, it is a lifelong battle. Some expect me to lose all my weight and change my ways overnight... well this is not going to happen overnight, this is not going to happen in a week, or even a month! Its a lifelong lesson/learning experience and I know that I will get to a place where I am proud and happy of where I am and who I have become and you will to!

Well it has been a stressful, action packed, fun, exciting, sad, crazy couple of weeks, but I came out of it a stronger person as everyone should :) Stronger meaning mentally and emotionally by the way ;) but hey I am sure physically too!! I hope that everyone is doing GREAT and I will be back to record another blog VERY soon! Stay happy and healthy! x

Ooopsy Forgot :)

I did want to mention in my last post that although i weighed in yesterday with a gain of 3 lbs overall from last weeks weigh in.... I stepped on the scale again this morning. Now I am well aware you should not weigh yourself more than once a week as this is not mentally healthy for you, BUT at the same time I gotta keep a close eye on what is going on with me and my body so I stepped on this morning. I was down .2 of a lb from yesterday, which is SMALL I know, but its something... But the other thing that I LOVED was that my body fat % has gone down now!!!!!! Since my first recording of body fat %, which was on October 2nd my body fat % has dropped a total of 1.2% which I am SOOOO excited about because that is the number that is very important to me. I may not be seeing a drop on the scale, but the body fat percentage is showing me I am at least doing something right and I am doing this by getting my butt moving! :) Thanks again for reading! xx

Weigh In - Diabetes - etc etc

Good Morning Everyone!!!

My week overall was pretty good :) I had some mis-haps when it came to counting calories of a new night time snack that I have been loving, but ugh! Live and Learn ;)

I weighed in yesterday morning and I knew I shouldn't have. Why? Because well on Wednesday night I had a larger meal than normal and we all know that you should not eat a larger meal the night before weigh in, like ever! But I did, silly me! So some would say that what the scale says the next morning after having a larger amount of food than what you body is used to that the weight that you have gained isn't actual fat but yet food stored in your body waiting to become waste and it totally felt that way too. Not making excuses for myself whatsoever, it was my own stupidity to have that meal the night before weigh in and I could have done many things to change that, which I am aware of, but I didn't and thats that :) I stepped on the scale and gained... well it said I gained 3 lbs, which is what I lost the week prior, grrrr! The thing is that I weighed myself the day after weigh in last week so I weighed myself on Oct 1st and I had lost 3 lbs from the week prior. THEN I weighed myself on the 2nd and I had gained 1.4 lbs from the day before, which I don't get! 1.4 gain in one day! eeeek! I wasn't even bad on that day so wth?! Anywho from the 2nd to the 8th (yesterday) which was my next scheduled I had actually only gained 1.6, but if I go from the weigh in on the Thursday and add that 1.4 in the first day after the weight in it totals 3 lbs exactly! grrrrrr!! I don't get it.

Now I totally understand that my Diabetes works against me in this matter. For those of you that are not aware of what I am going through... Here I will fill you in a bit! Type 2 diabetes (diabetes mellitus) occurs when the body can not produce or can not use the produced insulin. As a result you have to provide insulin to the body for diabetes cure and improve the symptoms of diabetes. I personally am a Type 2 diabetic, but I am insulin dependant. I was originally put on a drug called Metformin and after upping my dose over and over I was finally at the maximum daily allowance and we had to do something else. That was when I was put on a newer drug to Canada called Januvia. They had me on a butt load of Metformin and Januvia and when both those drugs werent working they then put me on Metformin and a long lasting 24 hr insulin which I took through injection morning and night. Still my sugards were FAR too high and we kept upping the doseage of insulin I was injecting at each needle. When this wasn't working they left me on the long lasting insulin and took away the Metformin and in place of the Metformin they put me on a fast acting insulin which I inject at every meal. I am currently still messing around with the doses and finally starting to control my levels with the long and fast acting insulins, 5 needles a day! OH JOY! But, there is a negative side of insulin as well. One such side effect is weight gain. The main work of insulin is to improve the ability of your body to use and store sugar (glucose). When your blood glucose levels are hgh, your kidneys try to remedy the situation by excreting glucose in your urine. Insulin provided from outside reverses these processes as blood glucose levels return to normal, which can contribute to weight gain. Therefore it is proven that Insulin plays a major role in weight gain, and even keeps us from losing weight. Insulin is responsible for the storage of all the foods we eat: carbohydrates, proteins, and fats. However, high glycemic carbohydrates cause blood sugars to rise very rapidly, therefore causing the pancreas to release insulin very rapidly. In some people the body overcompensates and releases too much. The insulin will store these carbohydrates/sugars very quickly. The good side is you get a quick burst of energy; the bad side is most of what is eaten will be stored as fat. Since the blood sugars rose very rapidly, the insulin will try to bring the blood sugars within normal ranges very rapidly, causing the sugars to be pushed by the insulin into every cell, including fat cells. So now you see how this is all so hard and so frustrating for me… I look to people that are losing weight and doing all the things I am doing, some are doing them better and some aren’t, but that’s not the problem here… The problem is that it is SO frustrating for me because its not that I am being a complete pig or not exercising, its that I have this HUGE factor working against me that many of them do not and when I see others losing weight (both on my own personal weight loss groups and in the public ones like YouTube etc.) and I am not its hard for me to swallow, but at the same time I want people to realize what I am going through and what this is all about. So anyways, that’s my story :)

Sorry I have def rambled on enough about all of this :) moving on.... My exercise this past week I was very happy with actually. After last week I found that I was doing the Learn and Burn easily and decided to move on to the Turbo Burn, which is a 20 min intense calorie burn. I have done that every day Mon - Fri this week every early morning :) I am starting to notice that I am able to do this workout now with little strain. Hopefully next week I can move on to bigger and badder things. I have also been finding myself moving more throughout the day and night at home, which is obviously a bonus!

This weekend is Thanksgiving so happy Thanksgiving to everyone! We are going up to the cottage with the family and I am very much looking forward to this. Hope that everyone has a wonderful long weekend and I will be back next week! xx

Bodybugg - Update - Turbo Jam

Its been nearly a week since my last entry, yes I am well aware and it was completely intentional too :) Everything is great on my end though :) I just... well its hard to explain, but I get sick of hearing about it over and over again sometimes.. I'm DOING it which is what matters most right, not TALKING about it ... I mean I love to talk about it otherwise I wouldn't be doing this blog and my vlogs, but sometimes I just don't want it to be an every day thing is all :) I'm sure everyone understands! Anywho! I have been working out pretty intensely to my TJ (Turbo Jam) I have already graduated up to the next level which is the Turbo Burn and then eventually I am going to incorporate the Ab Jam and Turbo Sculpt in on certain days here and there to build some more muscle...

I got my Fat % scale... don't know if I mentioned that in my last blog... but yes, it came in and I was so excited to see what it would tell me. My body fat percentage is MUCH higher than it should be or than I thought it to be... although seems very realistic. Just like my weight I prefer to not tell you all the exact number, but when I wright my weigh in blogs I will now not only include my weight, but my body fat % as well.

As for my food intake these last few days.... since I have so much to catch up on I will just clue you in... With my new workouts I am burning about 3200 - 3300 calories per day every day .. at least during the week, obviously more on weekends cause I am not stuck at a desk. I have still been aiming to consume around 2000 calories for a deficit of at least 1000 every day :) Now I have found a new snack that would be healthy for me if I limited my intake of it and that is whole grain tostitos with shredded cheese on top, but with a snack such as that it is very difficult to accurately measure your calories... difficult yes, but impossible no so I slacked there and it may affect me on the scale, but live and learn :)

Exercise - as mentioned above I have been doing the TJ 5 days a week and this is week two. Also yesterday at lunch I went out for a little stroll and at night I am doing some serious cleaning some nights and others... well just relaxing hehe On the weekend I went to the market and did a lot of walking there.. so I am def getting my exercise in for sure! :) FINALLY ;) hehe

My Bodybugg has been doing some amazing things for me... see before I had this nifty device I would go on websites or to books to tell me how many calories I was burning. I would input my height, weight, sex, etc. etc. and tell the computer that I did oh I don't know like 30 mins of brisk walking, medium intensity (I used to use fitday.com or fatsecret.com for this) and the computer would usually tell me a number like 400 calories burned... when in all reality I will put my bodybugg on and do that same exercise and I only burnt about 210 calories.... Same with the treadmills... a lot of the nicer treadmills tell you how many calories you are burning. A treadmill would tell me I was reaching 400 calories burnt and my bodybugg would tell me 190. YOU CANNOT TRUST THE WEBSITES, BOOKS, OR WORKOUT MACHINES TO TELL YOU HOW MANY CALORIES YOU ARE BURNING.... Nothing is as accurate as a clinical setting and Bodybugg's technology has been proved to me the next best thing. Anyone that is serious about losing weight I would HIGHLY recommend one of these... There are other alternatives too, knockoffs so to speak that are cheaper! :) Everyone generally speaking overestimates how many calories they burn on a regular basis and this tends to be worse with people who are in a lower weight range. The bigger you are, the more calories you burn. Now these sites and other things are very helpful when you dont have something else to tell you how many calories you are burning, but you cant treat them as gospel and you must know that they are FAR from accurate! Just wanted to share that with everyone and throw a little Bodybugg plug out there ;)

Weigh in is tomorrow... I hope to see a loss in my body fat % at least, but the weight too would be EXCELLENT :P hehe Regardless... I am feeling better, feeling healthier and I AM DOING THIS :) I am doing this slowly, healthy, and learning along the way and I am happy and proud of myself for this :)

Have a great day everyone!

xx

Thursday... WEIGH IN DAY :)

THREE POUNDS!!!! Oh... sorry I suppose I should have had some sort of an intro there, but I was just so excited to see a number that was more than a single pound hehe

Soooo its October 1st and I have been going at this for about a month now, a slow start, but I am down 5.2 lbs.... baby steps! :) hehe Today I started the Biggest Loser with some girls online through a Beachbody Coach... super excited about that... Send her my before weight and pictures and lettme tell ya, it was hard sharing those pictures, but it had to be done :) I also find out if I got the spot on the collab channel One Step Closer on YouTube.. Check em out because even if I don't get a position with them, it will still be an amazing channel! :)

Yesterdays Eats

Breakfast

Protein Shake with Milk and banana - 351 cals

Snack

100 cal lorna doones - 100 cals

2 x hot rods - 90 cals

Lunch

Blue Menu Shep Pie and salad with dressing and bacon and onion - 455 cals

Snack

Cheese String - 60 cals

Dinner

Pita Pit Club Pita and fixings - 566 cals

Snack

Low Fat Frozen Yogurt and Waffle Cone - 363 cals

Late Night Emergency Sugar Drop - EEEEK! 1/2 caramilk bar - 125 cals and although this brought me over my calorie budget for the day by 62, which is minimal of course, it got my sugars up fast and was delicious hehe but I stuck with half of it! I burnt extra calories yesterday too!!

Exercise

Turbo Jam

Shopping - Walking

House Cleaning - Hardcore ;)

Calories Consumed - 2110

Calories Burned - 3602

Difference - 1492

Im super happy with my progress, especially the work I have done on my mind more so than my body :)

Have a great night everyone, see you soon!

xx

Update :) Yay Turbo Jam!

Gooood Morning Everyone! My intention was to write this on Monday, that didn't happen. Then my intention was to write this yesterday, yup that didnt get done :) But the important part is that I have been busting my ass and staying on track and eating well under my calorie allowance :)

Monday's Eats:

Breakfast
Protein Shake with Milk - 230 cals

Snack
banana - 105 cals

Lunch
Babybel Light x2 - 100 cals
Breton Crackers (4 lg) - 90 cals
Salad and Dressing - 104 cals

Snack
Hot Rods x2 - 90 cals
Fibre Plus Bar - 150 cals
1 small plum - 30 cals

Dinner
Spinach Salad with Ranch - 58 cals
Ricotta and Spinach Pasta - 300 cals

Snack
WW Candies - 23 cals
Peanut Butter and Banana on toast with milk - 520 cals

Exercise - Turbo Jam Learn and Burn in the AM (mmhmm waking up 30 mins earlier to fit this in, less chance of making excuses! :) )

Total Calories Consumed - 1800 calories

Total Calories Burned - 3300 calories (approx - wasnt able to get a reading from my Bugg this day, but did the exact same as Tuesday when it comes to exercise and daily grind)

Difference - 1500

Tuesdays Eats

Breakfast
Protein Shake with milk - 230 cals
Banana - 121 cals

Lunch
Blue Menu Shep. Pie - 350 cals

Snack
Strawberry and Yogurt Granola Bar - 150 cals

Dinner

Subway Steak and Cheese 6" sub on whole wheat with lettuce, onion and green pep, light mayo and chipolte and a small bag of cheddar sunchips - 788 cals

OMG! ... SOOOO MUCH less snacking and no late night snacking.... I was just super busy working on the house and organizing things that I didn't even think about it. It was funny, I stopped and though hmmm by now I should have had my evening snack.. SHOULD HAVE?!?! nooooooo bad Brookie! lol I didn't NEED it or really really WANT it, I was going to do it out of habit so instead I continued cleaning and started to mess around on my computer and I went to bed feeling great and completely snackless :) anyways, moving on to the rest of Tuesday...

Exercise - Turbo Jam Learn and Burn in the AM

Total Calories Consumed - 1639 cals

Total Calories Burned - 3302 cals

Difference - 1663 cals

Soooo I also got myself a new scale. This one is AMAZING... it calculates body fat percentage AND weight instead of just weight. I have come to learn that body fat % is much more important than the number on the scale (weight). Body fat is, like the scale, another way to gauge progress. In order to assess your physical fitness level, you need to know your body fat. After doing a weight training program for a few months, your weight may stay the same or even increase, but your body fat percentage should go lower. Muscle tissue is more compact than fat and therefore you may weigh heavier. So, weight increase because of muscles gained is fine as long as you lose your body fat. Fat cannot become muscle, and muscle cannot become fat. They are two entirely different types of tissues. Muscle is more metabolically active than fat tissue. You will burn more calories with more muscles. By burning more calories from stored fat, you have less body fat and that is what this scale will help me with. Although I have a long way to go on the scale number I think it will be nice to be able to judge by my measurement, body fat% annnnd weight :) The scale hasnt come in yet, but should be in next week :) And since it is a new weighing scale I will def test them out and see the difference in the scales, as every scale is difference, when I weigh in :) I am interested and eager to find out what my body fat% is but at the same time I know it will be a number that makes me sick! haha

Anyways! I hope that everyone is doing great and having a wonderful week! I have weigh in tomorrow and I will for sure be putting up a new YouTube video but I will also try and get on here to write an update also!

Take care and stay healthy :) xx

Weigh In Day.... Weigh in #3

Okay.... this is gonna be short but sweet cause I have a crazy day ahead of me since today is my Friday! Off work tomorrow for a wedding! YAY ME :)

Anyways.... I stepped on the scale this morning and as you know from my blog yesterday, I was a lil scared cause I knew there would be a gain, but was not sure how much of one... Drum Roll Please.......................................... THERE WASN'T ONE!!! Thats right!!!!! I must've done something right because although I only lost a fraction of a pound (.2 to be exact) I STILL LOST :P OMG YAY!!! I would have loved for more as always, but damn a girl cannot complain when you expect to gain and you maintain or lose a little :) Im so super happy about that... So although I thought that I messed up royally with being sick and everything apparently I still did some things right and the scale proves it.... So.... my goal for next week, TWO POUNDS! steppin' it up baby!

Well like I said, short and sweet! Have a great weekend everyone and I will see if I can get on throughout the weekend, but if not Ill be back Monday! :D

Check out my latest You Tube weigh in video that will be up tonight!

xx

TURNING IT ALL AROUND BABY!

I NEED SLEEEEEEP! I got maybe a total of 2 hrs sleep last night, I hate being sick... :( I know I have been slacking on the blogs, but come on!... give a girl a break! I'M SICK! :( lol

Actually... right there is the problem, I have been giving myself too many breaks. I know I don't wanna be too strict and hard on myself, but I would like to be a little more at the same time.... So here is my vow, because THIS WEEK HAS SUCKED LARGE!!!! (being sick and trying to be/eat healthy is not easy because you are already so worn out, lazy, and blah) but... where was I? Oh! Right!!! My vow..... nearly all the "crap" that I would snack on at night is out of the house.... I know that most nights I would fit it into my calories, but lately I haven't been doing that and I have been eating it just because it is there. Once in a while having that stuff in the house is alright, I agree, but not every day and copious amounts of it! So after this weekend ALL of it should be gone! I say this weekend because we are having a party and there are things live pizzas and stuff like that that I am going to feed to ppl and get it out :) Especially these pizzas cause they are delicious and tempt me every stinkin' night and those damn things usually win that battle. If it isn't there, there is no battle :) Common sense right?!

I do find that sticking to healthy eating is harder when I am home alone, when Josh is on nights... which is just part of the guilt... Hiding what you eat, serious issue/sickness.... But I plan on conquering that one too!! I eat because I am bored, happy, sad, angry, sick, silly, joyful, excited, should I go on? I eat because I am living... lol a lot of ppl are a boredom eater or a stressful eater... I have come to terms with the fact that I am just an eater hahahahaha sad but true! And I need to fix that and not just with one emotion, but alllllll of them!

I cannot stress this enough, I have NO doubt that I will succeed.. I KNOW I will! I am confident in the fact that I will be who I need and want to me on the outside and that who I am on the outside will match who I am on the inside. I have all the confidence in the world in myself that I WILL do this and do you know how amazing that is to say? To be able to have that confidence in yourself even looking/being the way I am? Its the first step to success really :)

Okay so... tomorrow is Thursday and I am SO preparing myself for not losing, possibly even a gain.... and you know what, that will suck LARGE and I will kick my own ass so don't you guys worry about it... BUT I see where I was at fault this week and I HAVE to change it. No more being so "meh whatever" about this.... I AM GOING TO DO THIS!!!! How?.....

Plan #1 - My weekend plan since I have such a crazy weekend.... This weekend I have a wedding on Friday and staying at a hotel. Then on Saturday we are having a party... I plan to watch my food intake, have a few drinks but mix them with diet soda or crystal light to minimize the calories. For my party we are serving a salad with lasagna and garlic bread and I also plan on having HEALTHY snack put out for everyone so there is less temptation for me :) Mmmhmmm they say to plan ahead and you will succeed. Also exercise this weekend, I will be dancing the night away at the wedding on Friday evening, I will do my best to get in the pool at the hotel on Saturday morning, plus all the running around I will be doing. :) oh ya baby!

Plan #2 - After I feed all the leftover crap to ppl on the weekend I will not buy that stuff anymore... That stuff should not be in the house again until I can control myself and my eating habits enough to say no and know my limit, but until them.... no way jose! :P

Plan #3 - This damn throat/chest thing I have going on damn well better be gone by Monday and guess what? TURBO JAM HERE I COME!!!!! :) mmhmm thats right, I am going to go and kick some ass with some Turbo Jam.

Plan #4 - Stick with my You Tube videos because they are one of the greatest encouragements/inspirations to me and the WLC (Weight Loss Community) is AMAZING on there!!!! Gotta stick with it!

Anyways... That is def enough from me... As I said above, weigh in tomorrow morning... I'm scared, but at the same time I wont be shocked if there is a gain of like 2 lbs... BUT maybe, just maybe I will be lucky enough to maintain? :) I can feel it though, horrible feeling... retaining water, bloated, full, disgusting feeling... yea the scale is gonna be mean to me tomorrow I just know it :P haha

Have a great day everyone and I will update tomorrow for sure, oh! and I have a new video being posted tomorrow too for my weigh in :P Send some weight loss and healthy vibes my way!!! :) Laters!

xx

OooooOOOOooOOoOoo I forgot to tell you guys!!! my bodybugg digital display came in so instead of having to log online and hook my bugg up to the comp I can just sync it with my watch and BAM there it is in plain view how many calories I have burned so far today, how many calories I have burned in a certain workout on the trip that you can reset, how many calories I burned yesterday, how many steps I have taken, etc. etc. etc. ITS AMAZING! :P

I know... I suck lol

I know I haven't written in a while.... boooo I suck ;) But I am sorry.... No excuses!

This weekend I had numerous FFUs!!!! A little too much "extra curricular activities" and my judgement was obviously blurred... To top that all off I am super sick and feel like uber crap!

Why am I not dwelling on the weekend? Because I have lectured myself and know that no one can change my behaviours but me! No on has control over me, but me... I cannot change or have control over anything in the world but me. I have to be careful with this thought too though because that has been known to lead to the crazy eating disorders I know all too well. But what I mean is that if I completely mess up one day, one week, one month, whatever I have done in the past... that is nobodies fault but my own and I take full responsibility for that and know that there are consequences... I know that I will slow my weight loss down on top of numerous other things... but as long as I am away of my wrongs and know what my consequences are and how to avoid them next time... THATS what matters :)

Please check out my YouTube channel btw everyone... www.youtube.com/brookejh85 :)

Also...within the weight loss community that I am involved in... which many ppl on the outside don't realize how awesome, huge and amazing the WLC on YouTube is :) But anyways, there is this one channel that two of them are involved in... Jason and Shanti and their latest video was GREAT! They ate out like all the time... Shanti and Jason are both down to their goals or close to them. Shanti dropped from the low to mid 200s if I remember correctly now down to the 150s - 160s but in the video she was sitting there eating pancakes and all this other delicious stuff and she has mentioned that someone said that maybe they shouldn't tape the "bad foods" they ate. Shanti and Jason explained that they record them eating the "bad foods" to show that counting calories allows for you to have the occasional treat and indulge once in a while. They are both living proof of that being at their goals weights, maintaining and being healthy and happy. It was very inspirational and def the same way I look at eating :) Check them out too :)

Anyways now that I have done my plug for youtube... Ill see you all tomorrow most likely :D Off to do some grocery shopping tonight and I can tell you right now.... the only thing that I am buying tonight that is not good for you is frozen pizzas on sale and eat in moderation right? :) Plus I have so saved a butt load of calories for some tonight :D

xx

One Change Is All It Takes...

Muscles are hurting... why you may ask? Cause I stepped it up yesterday and not only went for my walk on my lunch hour and pushed passed the pain, buuuut last night when I wanted to go for a snack I decided to do some crunches on my ab roller and some weight training and resistance training with my bands while I watched the Biggest Loser. What an inspiration that show is!

I now realize why I have been crazing snacks so much this week... and well it is def because of that monthly visit... sorry boys :) But when that time comes around I get insanely hungry and I retain so so sooo much water and overall feel like crap, but this time I fought it... I was super proud of myself last night.

So.... with that said, today is Thursday and weigh in was this morning... Another pound is lost.. Yea, thats right, one pound! I am not too sure how much I can truly trust my scale though. I made the mistake of stepping on the scale far too many times and the scale jumped alllll over the place within like 4 lbs which to me is a big deal. At one point I stepped on the scale and it said I lost 3 lbs! 3 lbs is MUCH better than 1lb, but instead I just too the first average reading I got... (step on three times in a row and average them out and the first three times it pretty much read the same weight within .2 of a lb every time) I so shouldnt have stepped on the scale again :P But once again a pound is a pound and although I am not losing it as fast as I used to in the past or as fast as certain ppl do I have to remember that I am happy the way I am doing this and all I can do is change one more thing this week... One Change is all it takes! I also have to remember that my Diabetes and medication def have an impact on the rate in which I lose... ANOTHER thing I am super stoked about is that in the past when I was on that time of the month I used to gain upwards of 5 lbs! This week with it here full on I lost which is very rare for me and I think a lot that has to do with the water intake this week :)

I have posted my first official video on You Tube again.. I am so so soooo happy to be back in that community :) Please go check out my vids if you get the chance. www.youtube.com/brookejh85 :)

My Intake Yesterday:

Breakfast

Cinnamon Raisin Bagel w/ FF Cream Cheese - 299 cals

Lunch

Spinah Salad with Poppyseed Dressing - 120 cals

Whole Wheat Wrap with chicken and cheese - 244 cals

Snack

Apple - 95 cals

Laughing Cow and Bretons - 134 cals

5 Plain Almonds - 34 cals

WW Candies - 17 cals

Dinner

Ristorante Veggie/Mozza Pizza - 570 cals

Snack

Oreo Sandwhich - 250 cals

Consumed - 1909 cals

Burned - 3118 cals

Deficit Total - 1209

So I am very happy with how my day went yesterday :) I am starting to realize that certain foods are just not worth the calories, like the Veggie/Mozza pizza last night... I used to LOVE those, but I dunno... not sure if it is worth it to me anymore. Once they are gone I dont think I will be purchasing them anymore :) (cleaning out the freezer)

Anyways, there is my update!! Have a great day guys!

xx

How Does It Feel? I Wonder...

I was just sitting here thinking about what it would be like to be thin.... I really wish I knew and I am not saying this from a mindset of OMG I WANNA BE THIN! Its me saying this so I just knew what it physically felt like. I know many people who have at one point in their lives been thin and are now trying to lose weight and knows what it feels like so they have that feeling to relate back to, that feeling to strive for... I know it will be a great feeling, but I am not sure exactly WHAT it feels like cause I have never ever been that way. Am I making any sense? Do know that I never ever want to be THIN.... ever! I wanna be healthy and fit :) I will always be a bigger girl, I love my curves and I think that curves are sexy, they are what makes a woman!

Yesterday was alright.... Josh and I ate at the local restaurant that we used to eat at ALL the time... Instead of my usual Chicken fingers and fries I got Chicken Fingers and Salad :) YAY :) Buuuut I did cave and get their famous cheese sticks, but hey... chose your battles right?

To be honest I wasn't going to write a blog today... I was just gonna back off for the day because well... It feels like there is so much going on with weight loss.... I am on You Tube doing my own personal channel and getting back into that, I'm trying out for this kick ass collab channel that I so hope I get on, I have this blog, I log my exercise and calories on my ipod touch, Bodybugg system online and then on top of all of that I started emails with some ladies in my life to lose weight with them.... I guess I just wanted to not write today, but then part of me thought, hmmm do you not want to track today because of what you ate yesterday? No.... thats not it because although I didnt make all VERY smart choices I still made smarter choices, any improvement is better than no improvement :)

Yesterday I ate:

Breakfast

Whole Wheat English Muffin with PB

Glass of Milk

Snack

Peach

Lunch

Spinach with Poppyseed Dressing

Whole Wheat Wrap with ff ham, cheese, mustard and mayo

Snack

4 Crispers

Strawberry Granola and Yogurt Bar

Dinner

Chicken Fingers and Ceaser Salad

Cheese Sticks with Ranch

Oreo Ice Cream Sandwhich

Snack

Whole Wheat Tostitos and Cheese

So.... I do good until about dinner time and then BAM! :P Ah Well, live and learn.... I gotta turn those semi-smart choices into ALL THE WAY SMART :) lol Some may say I am being too easy on myself and you know what that may be the case some days and some nights, but at the same time I al learning the right way for me and also I am not stressing out about it. I think about weight and eating healthy a lot, constantly, but I am no longer letting it cosume me. Although I am working on losing weight and eating healthy right now... number 1 thing is first and that is working on my mental state when it comes to all of this because that in the end is what has sabotaged me in the past! Not this time :) Never again! I am becoming stronger and happier and healthier every day!

Have a good day everyone! Oh and please check out my youtube channel... www.youtube.com/brookejh85 - More videos up soon :)

xx

PS: You know what I really want to work on now? Eating slower, chewing every bite and actually TASTING what I am eating.... New task for me... Drinking my water is getting better and I am ready for the next challange :D

OH WHY!

Last night was a BAD night... I have what some girls I am losing weight with like to call a FFU... Fat F Up :) But the problem is that I had many.... I have a problem that I wasn't going to exactly go into details on here with because frankly it is no ones business, BUT at the same time this is me, this is who I am and this is something I am going through so why shouldnt I be able to post it on my blog. Plus the people that read these and follow me obviously care about me and are not there to judge me....

Last night I had a binge.... Some doctors have and will classify this as an eating disorder, some may not.... It is something I have dealt with on and off for a while now, but has gotten worse through my later teen/adult years. It is something that I am aware that I do, something that I have been successful at NOT doing, but somehow someway I always go back to it....

Because of this I would prefer not to even talk about my intake last night... well after dinner at least... this is something that is insanely hard for me, but I am dealing and learning how to not do something like this and to me it has gone from a HUGE BIG deal to something that happens and something I need to work on. I cannot dwell on this and all I can do is fix it :)

Monday's Intake:

Breakfast

Cinnamon Raisin Bagel with FF Cream Cheese - 334 cals

Snack

Peach - 58 cals

Lunch

Chicken Breast with BBQ Sauce - 230 cals

Spinach with Poppy Seed Dressing - 120 cals

Banana - 90 cals

Snack

Reese 100 Cal Packs - 100 cals

Weight Watchers Strawberry Candies - 68 cals

Dill Pickle Crispers and slice of cheese - 160 cals

Dinner

Meatloaf - 444 cals

Roasted Potatoes with olive oil - 250 cals

Becel - 70 cals

If I would have just stuck with this for my food for the day I would have been fine but noooo I had to keep going....

INTAKE BEFORE FFU - 1924 cals

TOTAL CALORIES BURNED - 3050 cals

Oh and I did forget to mention that I did get my ass moving yesterday! :) I went out for a brisk walk with Josh on my lunch :) Thats a bonus, see I gotta work on looking at the positives...

When I esitmate how many calories I ate on my FFU.... it was probably close to 1000 if not more :( So bad! BUT that means that I was STILL close to maintain calories yesterday which was 3000... maybe I didnt do AS bad as I thought? I know I will have days that I go over my losing weight calories, or even over my maintain weight calories, but what matters is that I dont do it every day right? :) RIGHT! :) I am okay and I AM doing this!

Anywho, thanks for listening to my rant. :)

My Weekend :)

I hope that everyone had a great weekend! Mine was INSANELY busy and a whole lot of running around... 2x Birthday Parties, Engagement Party, Visit with my niece, Shopping, Cleaning the house... IT WAS CRAZY!

My Food for Friday

Breakfast

Cin. Raisin Bagel with Low Fat Cream Cheese - 334 cals

Tim Hortons Coffee with One Cream One Sugar (only drank half) - 37 cals

Snack

Banana

Lunch

Chicken Breast - 255 cals

Baked Cheetos - 115 cals

Peach - 58 cals

Dinner (Ate out with Josh)

Pita Pit Club Pita on Whole Wheat with veggies and feta - 566 cals

Frozen Yogurt in Waffle cone - 392 cals

Snack

Smarties

Calories Consumed - 2168

Calories Burned - 3362

Deficit of .... YAY! 1194 Calories :)

Saturday was my no tracking day and I must admit I didnt do the greatest, but I still noticed some areas where there was improvement. At the party I was at that night I tried my best to stay away from the food table and took literally half what I normally would.

SATURDAY CALORIES BURNED - 3562 cals

Sunday - I didnt track but I really wanted to :( I had two birthday parties and I did well with those when it came to the cake... the first one I asked for half the piece, the second one I served myself and just took a little tiny sliver to taste it, but where did I fail? the icecream :( it is my weakness! UGH!

SUNDAY CALORIES BURNED - 3968

Overall though I had a good weekend, I havent been drinking my water at home as much as I wanted to... it is much easier to stay with the water at work, but I am still working on it, work in progress right? :)

I feel good about what I am doing and that is ALL that matters!

I got the bodybugg display ordered and will be here by next Monday at the latest I am thinking and I SO cant wait for that! It will allow me to see minute by minute my calories instead of having to log online :)

Have a great Monday everyone and I will be back tomorrow!

xx