Introduction - A little about me and why I am here :)

Hellloooo Everyone!!!

Well I figured I should start with a little bit about myself. My name is Brooke and I recently turned 24 years old. I am happily married to the love of my life, Josh and we bought our first beautiful home in my hometown just last year. We have a dog, well technically he IS a dog, but some would beg to differ. He is a long haired Mexican, I mean.. Chihuahua :) And he is my baby regardless of the fact that he REALLY pisses me off sometimes! I still love him! This is a picture of Max, Josh and then a picture of me and Josh.

All my life, like many, I struggled with my weight... I mean like REALLY struggled. I was a small baby and in the very early years I was tiny too, but as soon as I hit like Grade 1 I just poofed out. lol yup! That’s right! Poofed out! I was a large kid. Unfortunately this got worse and worse as I got older and I, nor my parents, did anything about it until I was 12 I think. That was the beginning of it all! It was the beginning of my 12 year struggle, obsession, own personal hell, whatever you want to call it, into the world of yo-yo dieting and other extremes. When I was 12 my father, brother and I went onto a program called the Protein Power Plan. It is a carb restricting diet, much like Atkins, but at the same time completely different. I lost something like 40 lbs on this plan, but the second I went "off" the plan, meaning the second I started eating like a normal human being again, I gained it all back and then some. Now... I could go into every single little detail about my life long obsession with food, dieting, self-hatred, etc. etc. etc. but believe me we would be here for hours and I think my fingers would get pretty tired. I'll so my best to explain in a shorter form, but not so sure how easy that is going to be.

After the attempt, success and then failure with the Protein Power Plan when I was about 14 I believe.... no maybe even 15, I tried this other program called Herbal Life. It consisted of shakes and supplements and then ONE meal a day. At the time and throughout all of high school I was fairly active, on nearly all the sports teams like volleyball and basketball. I even played baseball outside of school for going on 19 years or so now. So regardless of the fact that I was a bigger girl, I was still active and athletic even. So here we go with the Herbal Life attempt, which by the way is much like Herbal Magic and Herbal One. I lost something like 20 lbs the first month on it and then my parents decided, since they were still paying the bills for me obviously, that it was too pricey to continue on with long term (and we didn't even look at it as not being really healthy for you at the time). So after this attempt with HL I decided that Weight Watchers was the way to go. Now I am not whatsoever bashing Weight Watchers. It is a great program and is a healthy way, at least physically, to lose weight and become a healthier person in general. So with Weight Watchers and HL combined I dropped from something like 255 lbs to just over 200 lbs. Now to some this may seem still VERY over weight, but when I got back down to that weight I felt gooood and believe me, I looked gooood :) I was truly becoming happy at that weight and although I needed to lose a bit more and do some toning, I was happy. But of course I stopped going to WW and eventually at 17 started to plan to move out for college and started dating my now husband, oh and I quit smoking. All these factors and I am not blaming anyone but myself, but all these factors def contributed to me gaining weight again. Within the span of a year and a half, if that I gained like 70 lbs! :( Omg! Yes... SEVENTY! How sick is that... all that hard work I put in, I just threw out the window. I was eating out all the time, eating crap before and after my classes and cooking crap in my dorm (that’s if I ever even cooked). Looking back on it now, it makes me sick! Anyways, throughout the years that Josh and I have been together I have been around the same weight, losing 10 hear then gaining 20 there. Losing 15 here and then gaining 5 here, but for the most part around the same weight now for the last 6 yrs! Throughout those 6 years I have been grabbing at everything and anything possible to lose weight. Like Weight Watchers upwards of 5 times. I thought hey it worked for me before it will work now.. NOPE! Dr. Bernstein, which was paid for and recommended to me by a former employer.. CRAP! Herbal Life, AGAIN! This diet, that diet, this pill, that pill, this miracle, that miracle... It was all a load of crap and where has it gotten me? Nowhere... actually it has done worse for me than any good to be honest. Without all the fads and diets I would not be so prone to bingeing, I would weigh less than I do now, that’s for sure! Because after EVERY diet I would gain all the weight back and then some!

Back in September I was diagnosed with Diabetes and although I am Type 2 I am also insulin dependant. You would think that being diagnosed with this would assist me, or encourage me rather, to be healthier and eat healthier and finally lose that excess weight for good, but nope! Of course not! I was still trying to grab at anything, the quick fixes. I thought I could drop the weight overnight and that obviously did not work.

Exercise has always been an on and off thing for me, as mentioned before I was very active throughout my school years, but that dwindled off a bit, okay a lot, when I moved away to college. After college though I did get into this wicked workout called Turbo Jam, which to this day I still love although I am eager to get some new workout from Chalene Johnson, the brains and beauty of it all, because it did get to be a little less interesting after a while. There were months here and there that I would do a 3 km walk/jog Monday to Friday every week and then I would get sick or "life would get in the way" and I would go back to my old habits. Horrible I know!

Support system... I must mention that I do have a great support system through my friends and family. With that said I try not to rely too much on friends, I know that sounds bad, but I don't really have that many close friends... maybe by choice I don’t know? A lot of my friends are family and vise versa. Maybe I am just too picky :) hehe But... one person that has stood by me through it all regardless of anything else is my husband. He, although he doesn't truly believe it, has been a great support and makes me want to keep going. He is an amazing man with a huge heart and cares so much about those around him. He is always telling me I am beautiful and loves me no matter what and that to me is true love. He has pushed me when I needed a push and backed off when I needed him to and for that I am forever grateful!

So... just recently, meaning not even three weeks ago, just around my 24th birthday actually, I went to a dark place. I am choosing to not go into detail about this, but it was bad. I was feeling very down on myself, worthless even. This was the lowest point I have ever been to! I have been for the last week or two struggling to pull myself out of this "dark place" and get the right way of thinking through this thick skull of mine. To be completely honest although I have a lot of work do to I am getting there! It will be a long battle, but at least I am not giving up. I recently just realized that this IS a lifelong battle and this isn't going to happen over night. I need to change my life completely. Everything from the way I look at food to what I eat, to exercise, to finances, to relationships with others and myself, to everything else in ones life. It is going to be a lot of work and will take a lot of determination, sweat, tears, motivation, support and most of all... confidence. I need to believe in myself and know that I can and will do this. I am now not looking at this as JUST losing weight, but as my blog says to become a healthier and happier version of ME :) Eat healthier, exercise, love, be loved, and most of all just have fun and enjoy life... That’s my new way of thinking! :)

Just this week I ordered something called the Bodybugg, check it out at www.bodybugg.com I wont go into detail about what it does because if you are really interested you will check it out, but I got this to help me realize how many, or in my case, how little calories I am burning and how many I need to burn for ME to lose weight. It is a great little gadget and I am super excited to get it in the mail :) I will keep an updated on that of course!

Thank you very much for reading. This was very long and I swear my blogs after this will not be that long, I just wanted you to get the whole story, the truth and nothing but. I hope that you enjoyed and will follow me along on my journey. Take care and be happy!

xx Brooke xx